ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
