My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
