I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Enjoy the penises
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
