I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
