You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
