I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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