well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
