Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
