Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
