Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
