I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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