This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm having to shit out rocks
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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