I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
