Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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