Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
