her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I need a beard to bite.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
