He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
