pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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