i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
