Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
