Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
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