hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
