I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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