I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
