my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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