Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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