Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
