I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
