the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
