Your tits are I can't wait for
this boner is exhausting
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
