Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize