Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
