I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I am available for nakedness
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