Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
