He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
