No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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