I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
