Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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