I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
