i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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