I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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