He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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