my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
