alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
