I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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