i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
