I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
