I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize