I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
