Ambien. No doubt about it.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
