Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
