I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
