I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
