I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm too high and old for this...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
