I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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