D3 body, D1 cock
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
