Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Floor bacon is actually really good
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
