"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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