So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
