I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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