her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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