Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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