Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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