wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
50% drunk capacity currently
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
