he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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