I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
