my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
