so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
